your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
