I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
