I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
