2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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