Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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