His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize