I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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