All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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