I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
