you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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