Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
