We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
