um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
