My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
