is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
