You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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