i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
