I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
