In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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