If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
