I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
