it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
