I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize