I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
