She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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