we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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