OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
