I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
