Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
