forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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