my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
