wat bout pragnant strippers??
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
