fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
