Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
