girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
