this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
