Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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