I just cut my nipple shaving
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
