last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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