I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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