i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
