I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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