There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
