I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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