I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
