Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
