Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
