saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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