ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
