My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
