we're blogging at a bar
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I look better un-naked...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
