i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
