I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
