doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
