I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
