There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
