that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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