i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think i have two assholes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
