I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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