you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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