i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I smell stomach acid.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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