the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
