I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
