At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
3 2 1 whiskey
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
