Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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