You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
