I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
