Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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