The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize