his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
