I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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