did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
