i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
