He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
