i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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