I haven't been this sober since birth.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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