Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
