guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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