2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
