Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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