I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
