He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
