So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
