I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize