I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
