What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
