Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
