I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
