I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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