tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
