I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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