I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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