I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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