You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We left an ass print on the piano.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
