On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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