You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
