Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
