I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize