Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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