I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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