I CAN MOONWALK!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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