Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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