She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
