there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize