Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
