it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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