I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
