Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
