i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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