dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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