dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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